Coke-a-corns take over TVland

me: have you been watching gossip girl?

Jeff: yo. you are like the 100th person that has asked me that
and no
i have not

me: jeez jef
jef, that's you

Jeff: i know

me: get with it
what have you been watching? friends reruns? welcome to 2007

Jeff: of course!
6:30-7:30
power hour
hahaha
and mondays on tbs
two straight hours

me: you need to at least watch kid nation
give it a shot
you will love it
do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i command thee

Jeff: shut your face
watch the bachelor
i love jenni

me: ugh
i watched it once
lametown
all bachelors are the same

Jeff: bachelor nation
they are all the same

me: "where bachelors fend for themselves"

Jeff: the girls are always the conservative-we-look-the-same-and-want-to-get-married-at-a-young-age-or-else-we-will-just-fall-apart-emotionally kind
love it
you should go on kid nation

me: lol
i love that description
i think i am a little old for kid nation
but i would love to

Jeff: i don't

me: oh
poop

Jeff: with your maturity level?

me: boobs
true, true
i'd just be a little taller than everyone else
and instead of root beer i could drink whiskey in the town saloon
other than that
no difference

Jeff: haha
i saw a preview where some kid ordered a root beer b/c he had a hard day
hahaha

me: yeah he missed his girlfriend
he's liked her since 3rd grade
his friend tried to cheer him up by taking him out on the fringes of town to look at some cows

Jeff: LOLing
fringes of town

me: cows
lol
they were standing there and the one kid goes, try to take your mind off it man.
look at those cows. oh wait. are those bulls? those are bulls. let's go this way

Jeff: hells of LOLing
i want to see it now
NOW

me: i'm wearing pantyhose today
and it makes me want to kill people

Jeff: i love pantyhose
they make me feel sexy
in a very straight, manly way

me: i think many men feel that way

Jeff: i have em

me: sweet
ew

Jeff: yo. more items added to the jcrew sale
what's your address? can i send you a prime card?
meredith, imagine...every prime number from 1 to 2000 at your fingertips!!!!!!

me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please
i need this sort of information at my immediate disposal
the pantyhose are making my insides hurt
squeezing

Jeff: ewww
i just pictured your intestines all smushed up

me: it looked good, right?
i love thinking about guts
i got new glasses
they are hells of cool
they have only a half-rim, you know? like rim on top, no rim on bottom
rimjob

Jeff: hahaha i like those
i almost got those kind too
but my shit is too thick

me: but they couldn't hold your 64" lenses
64" is really thick
you should consider getting new eyes installed

Jeff: i just sent you an email from logan
he's home sick today
this is what he does
with pictures of himself

me: this is incredible
i don't really know why it's called "blowunicorn" though

Jeff: hahaha i know
i was nervous to open it

me: me too

Jeff: you know, like beastiality and shit

me: fucking goats and dogs
donkey shows

Jeff: helluv LOLing
donkey shows

me: ok kid nation is on at 8 on your channel 5
i looked at tv guide for you
that means you'll have to skip deal or no deal

Jeff: fuck deal or no deal
i've never watched that
and i won't
OK????!!

me: i know i was just kidding
i fucking hate deal or no deal
what a stupid show
boring as shit
god i have a big night of tv
kid nation at 7, gossip girl at 8

Jeff: the "regular" people in this country are fucking stupid
and ugle
ugly
hahaha

me: ugle
haha

Jeff: well, and ugle
and fat
fatle

me: oogle-eh

Jeff: fatle and ugle

me: haha
i hate fatties

Jeff: ditto

me: jk
but not really
i also hate asian drivers
but that's between you and me

Jeff: oh my god i HATE asian drivers
yesterday i had a zipcar for some errands
and i UNFORTUNATELY had to go the fucking richmond
oh my god
i hate them
asians are terrified of the road
so funny
and obnoxious

me: haha
either that or they drive suped-up honda civics with those like speed racer bars on the back
and decals

Jeff: and have ridiculous haircuts

me: and eat dogs

Jeff: and they are all kinda scared of each other
and frogs
eat frogs

me: and ducks
no, they're scared of frogs
and the movie tokyo drift

Jeff: i just sneezed snot on my hand

me: cool, what are you gonna do with it

Jeff: eat it
oh god
this world is ridic
people get attention for being dumb
so tiring

me: time for the coke-a-corns to take over

Jeff: hahahaa
that's just good comedy