God <3s 7

God totally loves 7.

Here are some examples.

"Bruce Almighty" was on network TV last week. Whoa. 7 MANIA! This movie boasts a WEALTH of 7.

For starters, Bruce works at Channel 7 News, doing the 7 o'clock news. When he goes to meet God (on the 7th floor), he doesn't believe that he's face-to-face with ye almighty. So Bruce asks God to tell him how many fingers he is holding up behind his back. Bruce tries to trick him by holding up 7, and then pulling a switcheroo to 5. God gives him...ehhem...7 fingers on his hand. YESSS!!! Sweet. Bruce goes on to drive a Saleen S7, have 7 encounters with that homeless guy holding up those signs, meet with God 7 times throughout the movie, and reference the 7 days of creation:
Bruce: I needed time to reassess my goals and get in touch with my true self.
Jack: You did that in a day?
Bruce: Imagine what I could do in seven...

Ok. Hold on to your butts. Here comes more evidence of God's affinity for 7.

Today there was a crazy plane crash/emergency landing in the Hudson River, which I read about online. Because I am a crazy nut who is obsessed with air disasters, I followed a link to an ABC news article called "Staying Alive During a Plane Crash" (very important). One of their main pieces of advice was to sit within 7 rows of an exit. Listen to this hot bitch Ed Galea:
"What we've found is that the average distance a survivor will travel in an evacuation is seven seat rows," says Galea, an Australian professor who has pored over interviews with 2,000 survivors of 105 plane crashes, analyzing their behavior and searching for the keys to survival.

Obviously, God allowed the creation of air travel only if those "in the know" (read: those who follow the habits of 7's magic) could sit within a safety zone should He decide to strike down an aircraft at will.

Jeff Forms Criminal Minds

Jeff: i just took my gum out and put it on a stapler so i could drink cold coffee
weird

me: haha

Jeff: i don't know why i did that

me: the other day i sneezed at my desk while chewing gum and it flew out, and then i couldn't find it
i still don't know what happened to it

Jeff: HAHAHA
dying

me: i know me too
literally
i feel sick

Jeff: i'm picturing a cartoon sneeze

me: haaaaCHOOOOOO
dude did you hear phish is back

Jeff: the kind that makes you move back in your chair
haha i did
ugh
weird

me: yeah i blew back like 7 feet
did you vote yes on whatever prop it was that is gonna build the super train from LA to SF
i voted no, because it is really expensive and they didn't have a business plan
but anyway it passed
so
you know
that means we can ride it together in like 30 years
something to look forward to jeff
always look to the future
are you in a quiet mood?

Jeff: no...writing reports
er, so yes
no class is starting
no = now

me: wait...yes? or no
what kind of class is it? home ec?

Jeff: wood shop

me: are you having the birds and the bees chat today?

Jeff: i work with inmates

me: nice
do you press license plates

Jeff: mainly murders

me: wow
cold blooded killers

Jeff: just my type

me: that's hard core
do you have a spider web tatted on your elbow now

Jeff: yeah
bye

Jeff Forms Young Minds

me: jeff.
who do you know who wants to move to LA?
rack your brains and butthole

Jeff: my butthole said he doesn't know
sorry

me: don't say blue angels

Jeff: hahahaa

me: what about your brains

Jeff: they were so awesome
the one that flew by at the speed of sound was so close to the water that it made a wave as it flew by
crazy

me: sweet

Jeff: class time
don't bother me

me: KIDS! LOOK AT JEFF'S COMPUTER! ASK MR. TURNER WHAT CUNNILINGUS MEANS!!!!!